by: LJ
I woke up when the rays of sunshine hit my eyes, but then I closed it again as I pray peacefully not minding how bright the sun was. After praying, I did not realize that I fell asleep again. It was about 20 minutes that have passed; I suddenly jumped out from my bed when I dreamt of something that terrified me. I was left dumbfounded that time. Then I reached for my phone to check what the time is. I was surprised when I read the time saying that it is already 6:30. The adrenaline in my body gave me a signal to run quickly into the bathroom. Not minding what would happen to me while running so fast, what is the date of that day, and what’s within that day. All I know is that I would be late for the call time of our BEEA, well probably I’m already late. I took a shower, then I prepared myself to get ready, next thing is that I had a quick breakfast, and after all of that, I immediately left so I will be in school exactly at 7:00 a.m. That’s how my preparation went for the last day of our exam. I arrived in the school at exactly 7:00. I ran so fast just to reach my final destination which is in my assigned room. Finally, when I arrived in that room, I glanced in the room seeing that no one is there. I am still catching my breath that time due to how fast I ran. But after I saw the room that it is still empty, I felt relief because I am not late and I don’t have to enter the room by myself while the other students are looking directly at me. That would be an embarrassing moment for me. While waiting for the proctor to come, I saw some of my good friends and I had a chit chat with them. After 10 minutes, the proctor has arrived, it’s time to say goodbye to my friends and hello to the new day and last day of BEEA. When all of us are already inside the classroom, nothing much happened. We just waited for the proctor to distribute our answer sheets and the test booklet. The proctor provided us some instructions and after that, she signaled so we can already start the examination. The last day of BEEA officially started. All I did is to read the questions carefully and shade the correct answer that is how the last day of the exam went for me and for all of the Grade 12 students.
When the BEEA ended, it’s time to go home. But I stayed for a while just to greet my friends a “Happy Valentine’s Day” and I had a talk with them concerning what’s their plan after the exam. Some of them will have a date with their loved ones, some of them will celebrate the Hearts day with their family, and some of them will experience a date, alone. After hearing those answers, I bid a goodbye to all of them because I need to go home to take a rest since I’m suffering from Migraine that time. I went home, and slept for 6 hours, that is how I celebrated Valentine’s Day. 8 o’clock in the evening, that’s the time I woke up after having a decent sleep. I still have a Migraine, well 6 hours of sleep is not effective for me, and taking medicine is useless. I didn’t mind of how painful my Migraine was, I went downstairs to have some dinner so I can take my medicine. After eating and taking a medicine, I went upstairs and comfortably lie down in my bed. While staring at the ceiling, I reached for my phone to check if there are some notifications such as a text, missed calls, and chats from someone that I’ve been waiting to have a late night talk with me. Suddenly felt grief when there was nothing. Not even a single text, nor call or chat from that person. I just think that maybe that person is still busy so I waited until I’ll fall asleep. Keeping myself busy, that is what I did for me to distract myself from thinking and waiting for that person. I’ve been waiting since 9 o’clock in the evening up until 12 midnight. As I was waiting for that person to talk to me, my vision is getting vague and my head feels like a baseball bat was hit in the center of my head. My migraine is getting painful. Without any hesitations, I fell asleep, disregarding the text, call, or chat that I’ve been waiting from the person I want to have a conversation. The next morning, I woke up 9:00 a.m. When I checked my phone, I still got nothing. Because of that, I get my pillow and throw it somewhere out of frustration. Well I guess that person doesn’t care about me. And I feel worthless that time. I wasted so much time for that person but I still got nothing. Frustrated, it was too late that I realized that it is Friday and I have a work immersion to attend. I quickly prepared myself so I can go into my OJT. Good thing is that I don’t have migraine anymore.
Later that day, my OJT went well but I was so exhausted because I helped for fixing those things that the school needs due to the event that will happen in the next day which is Family Day. The day have passed, but I still got zero text, chat, or call from that person. A special someone who forgot to update me. When I got home, I lay in bed so blue, while scrolling through the phone; I unexpectedly saw something that made me punch the wall. The person that I’ve been waiting for to update me had a date during Valentine’s Day with the person’s EX. I did not mind how painful my knuckles were, all I know is that I hate myself for loving someone that hurt me so bad. I hate myself for wasting time just to talk with that person. I hate myself for expecting too much that the person I loved, loves me more than anyone else. I hate myself for loving someone that I used to talk with. I hate myself for creating memories with that person that will surely hurt me when everything will changed. I hate myself for caring too much. I hate myself. And I can’t deny the fact that I still love that person disregarding all the mistakes and problem that person gave to me. Because all I know is, I really love that person, no matter what happened and what will happen. Love is all about acceptance and appreciating oneself. Love is not just a verb. That’s my philosophy about love. “Love is equals to Hate.” Because Loving someone, made me hate myself.
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