You knock louder and louder on the door, but nobody answers
By TINTA HUMSS 12 - January 01, 2019
It’s
almost 3 o’clock in the early morning and my weary eyes are still open wide
blankly staring at the empty ceiling. There is only silence around me, but this
loud noise in my head is keeping me awake and disturb. Morbid thoughts continuously
ravage my mind and I can’t seem to stop it. It feels like there is an endless
war in my mind and it only gets worse every night. This is my story of constant
struggle with mental breakdown that haunts me every night when there is nothing
but the stars to witness my pain and suffering.
It’s
extremely difficult to endure this kind of pain that you don’t know where it’s
coming. I can’t understand the situation that I’m in and that’s the hard part
about it. Not knowing when it will strike again. It is like an assassin in the
dark that and the last thing I know is that I’m down again on the floor slowly
drowning from my tears. I muffle myself when crying because I’m afraid that
they will see me this way. I’m afraid that they will see me broken and tainted.
So I keep this darkness in my heart away from them. I don’t want to drag them
down with me. That is why even though I keep knocking louder and louder on the
door nobody answers because I locked myself in.
This
quandary that I have will probably perish in a distasteful way. Living is a
free experience and it comes with a price at the end, the price of endless
suffering and inevitable death. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and these eyes
can now rest.
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