by: Pamela
Looking back to what I was before, it was far different to what I am now. I felt the need to change for myself as I grew older. My mother always tells me, "You're the oldest among all your siblings. You must know what must do and not, must not think and not." That was marked in my mind and has always been my motivation as I grew older, I must be an efficient older sister to my brother, being a good role model to them has always been what I want to be. I wanted to be the daughter my mother wants me to be. It's not being controlled or else because I trust my mother that she knows what's best for me.
I was a self centered person, I easily get influenced by the people around me and gets easily jealous for little things that my mom yelled at me for doing nonsense things and thinking of things I shouldn’t think of and I always think of my needs and not really minding the people around me. I came to the point where I fully realized that my parents have told me, “You must know what to prioritize and learn to listen for other people too.” Whenever I have in my mind, I always spit it out without thinking if it’s smart to say. It reflects to my life decisions because such things like this I wasn’t rational. I’ve realized staying at this type of attitude won’t help me grow as a person. I’ve come to my senses that I’ll keep on doing poor decisions if I won’t reflect to all my poor attitudes. Reflecting to this decisions have awakened me and learned to think that every action has its consequences. There were times when I were in my darkest days. Being a pessimist and immature at the same time resulted to overthinking over nonsense things. I’ve slowly learned to deal with these negativeness in my mind because if I let it dominate me, nothing good can happen. I learned to look on both sides and focused more on the positive side of every situations I’ll face.
These realizations helped my life. My parents was a big influence to what I am now today and now I am helping them with my brothers. My will to change my attitude helped me grow as a person and bloom like a woman I should be. My seeds of will have now grown and continuously to grow healthy.
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